It’s easy to go on the defensive when your partner is coming at you crazy. No adult likes to be accused of anything, because we are all perfect right? (smile)
Diffuse the situation. Keep listening to her if you can without losing your temper. Close your mouth. Once you say something, you can’t un-say it. Walk away. Tell her you’ll be back in an hour or two.
One purpose of relationships is to cultivate a deeper understanding of your partner so you understand where he is coming from… to look deeply to see how that person was made.
The other purpose of relationships is to grow as a person. Because when we look deeply inside ourselves, we find out the conditions that made ourselves. (From Saturdays post on the audiobook Being Love.)
So while you are away, take that time to honestly ask yourself what you have done to contribute to the conflict. Ask yourself if you are caught up in your ego. If you need another perspective, call a friend or relative who will be honest with you. One who has no problem calling you out if you are indeed wrong.
All relationships are not going to work out. If you continue to check your own stuff, and evolve as a person, the quality of your relationships will improve.
I’ve been listening to an audio book called Being Love- Teachings to Cultivate Awareness and Intimacy by Zen Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hanh. The audio is about an hour and twelve minutes long. Around the fifty-five minute mark, he talks about self-love.
Hanh says ( I’m paraphrasing and cutting it down a bit), “May I learn to look at myself with the eyes of understanding and love. Many people cannot accept themselves. They are at war with themselves. If we look deeply inside ourselves, we find out the conditions that made ourselves. And then we accept ourselves with our suffering and our happiness at the same time.”
He follows with talking about our relationships with other people, not just intimate relationships: “And we know that to love is to accept ourselves as we are…to accept the other person as she is…as he is…and looking deeply to see how that person was made.”
Hanh shows us how to cultivate the four basic qualities of authentic love: Maitri (lovingkindness), Karuna (compassion), Mudita (joy), and Upeksha (freedom). It’s a very grounded approach to love. It teaches how to sincerely listen to others and love them in a way that is freeing for both people. Being Love is a beautiful book. I’ll be listening to it over and over again.
I saw this short two-minute video a few weeks ago. It basically says when you are emotionally agitated, straining your brain to figure out a problem, let it go for a while. Chill. Relax. Meditate. Sleep. Practice yoga.
Trust that the answer will come to you, if you allow it do so. I did exactly that at least three times in the past few weeks. I’m sharing the video because the technique really does work.
Trust in love for all your days.
Up next on Media Wednesdays: A review of the Netflix original movie Dolemite is My Name. Wednesday, November 27.
A segment on Cops I saw a few years ago highlights this point. This older brother, maybe in his fifties…he didn’t say his age because he was too busy running from the police…was having a rough night. A repeat offender, he was being chased for selling marijuana. He was caught, with three cops on top of him trying to handcuff him. Face down on the ground, the brother said, “I’m getting too old for this shit…”
Ya’ think so?
As Maya Angelou said, “When you know better, you do better.”
Sometimes you really don’t know better. Sometimes you absolutely know better, but you do it anyway out of fear. Those are the mistakes that really get you into trouble.
Bottom line: life is always teaching you lessons. See your mistakes for what they are without drowning in self-pity, remorse, guilt, depression, and the always popular beat-yourself-up-constantly-for-your-the-errors-of-your-ways. Do the opposite of what you’ve been doing to create a new life.
This is similar to Matthew 18:20 – For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them .
When two or more people meditate on love, peace, God, goodness, kindness, any positive adjective, that’s the energy that shows up. Good things happen.
You can never go wrong meditating and visualizing love. The more of us who do that, the more the world shifts in a positive direction. Based on the history of mankind, that’s a tall order. (Okay, impossible.)
So focus on shifting your personal world into a more positive space. Everyone around you will benefit. If you’ve experienced that shift, share it with me here on the blog.
In 2017, actor Shia LaBeouf was arrested in Georgia for public drunkenness. He pleaded no contest to disorderly conduct and guilty to obstruction. He was given two choices: seven years in jail or court-ordered anger management counseling and drug rehabilitation.
He chose counseling and rehab.
LaBeouf wrote his first screenplay, “Honey Boy,” while in rehab. The movie is based on his life as a child actor (Disney Channel’s Even Stevens) and his turbulent relationship with his father. Although we are watching father and son, “James and Otis Lort,” on screen, this is clearly the story of “Jeffery and Shia LaBeouf” and how Shia exorcises his demons and breaks the chains of three generations of addiction.
“Honey Boy” moves between two time periods. Adult Otis has
been arrested and is now in rehab. When his therapist tells Otis he has all the
symptoms of PTSD, he says, “How is that possible?”
Cut to 12-year-old Otis who is acting on a sitcom by day. By
night, he is living in a crappy motel with his father who is a multiple offense
felon and an abusive (sober) alcoholic and a (not sober) drug addict. He is
also paying his father a salary.
The complicated dynamics between father and son, father and mother, father and everyone else, is the definition of dysfunctional. Otis is already smoking and drinking as a pre-teen. His father also introduces him to marijuana which he is illegally growing. It’s easy to see how grown-up Otis lands in jail and rehab.
Sounds sad, right? It is. This movie breaks your heart. It’s
an intense in-your-face recovery film. It’s like being in someone’s therapy
sessions.
It’s also awesome on two levels. All the performances are fantastic.
Noah Jupe plays young Otis. Lucas Hedges plays grown up Otis. Both actors are
amazing. All the actors bring their A-game to this movie.
Playing his own father, it’s Shia LaBeouf who delivers the
knockout performance of “Honey Boy.” He deserves an Oscar nomination. And that’s
the second level of awesomeness. Rehab and counseling finally worked for him,
in his real life. You are cheering for this guy to move through the rest of his
life sober, healed, and whole. You are rooting for Shia’s happy ending.
I really liked this movie. Go see it.
9.5 out of 10 Mocha Angels.
Shia explains the backstory to his semi-autobiographical film. Click to watch.
Please watch this just to see why Ellen is giving Shia a standing ovation. It’s too hilarious. Click to watch.
Up next on Holistic Saturdays: A Short Buddha Story to Calm Your Mind. Saturday, November 23.
We do have control over our thoughts, actions, and feelings. When you get into the feeling space of what you desire, now you are in the manifestation lane. You act like you have it already.
For instance, back in 1997, I interviewed for a job at an internet company. I wanted that job so much. Post-interview, as I waited to hear back from the company, I decided to “act like” I already worked there. Before I’d go to my actual job, I’d drive over to the internet company “as if” I was going to work. Once, I stopped in to say hello. That job was mine and no one was taking it from me.
I got the job.
Later, I found out that I was a “pity interview.” The group that interviewed me only brought me in because they didn’t want to cancel. The day before, they had found their perfect candidate. No one could be better than homegirl, but we’ll interview Althea anyway.
Althea knocked their socks off. They were impressed with my soap opera and pop culture knowledge, which was important to the job.
I acted like it was mine…
It sounds crazy, but feeling all the intimate details of your desire will indeed bring it to you. The point of power is always in the present moment (that’s a Louise Hay quote).
Ms. Mocha Angel 