Month: November 2019

A Year of Living Without (or Breaking the Chains of Resistance) November Update

Imagine my shock yesterday when I open an email from zen habits and the title is “Working with the Ebbs and Flows of Your Resistance.” I got the email on November 22. I didn’t read it until yesterday, November 29. Talk about right on time.

My challenge for November was to not eat nor surf the internet while eating. Sometimes I succeeded. More often than not, I did not succeed. I had no idea these were such difficult habits to break. I realized the noise from the TV or internet surfing distracted me from the present moment. Whether I was alone in a silent house, or in the house with my kids, or eating lunch at work, when I was eating, I wasn’t paying attention. I wasn’t enjoying the silence. I wasn’t enjoying the noise my kids make. I wasn’t enjoying my co-workers at lunchtime.

As zen habits Leo Babauta puts it: The resistance is simply our mind not wanting to do something that feels uncomfortable: anything uncertain, difficult, overwhelming, different than our normal way of doing things, awkward, painful, sad, lonely, stressful. It makes sense that we would avoid these kinds of discomfort.

Resistance is natural, just a sensation in the body that is a response to change, discomfort, uncertainty. Our minds have a hard time dealing with these things, because we like routine, comfort, certainty.

Here’s the thing: the resistance isn’t always at a constant, full-on intensity. Resistance ebbs and flows.

During the time resistance is at its peak, my task is to be aware of the resistance. Instead of running from it, I am to see how it feels. Is it pleasant or unpleasant? (Usually unpleasant.) I notice the intensity changes. The goal is to breathe through it. Smile. Dance. Laugh. Play music. Bring lightheartedness to the table.

So I will continue to focus on my food rather than television or the internet. This month, I am not watching TV except to check the weather. Originally, I wasn’t going to watch the news. I can’t avoid it at work as there are televisions everywhere. At home though, no TV for me. My kids will continue to watch it but I won’t watch any of my shows. I’ll update this challenge the first week of January.

Original post: A Year of Living Without

Leo Babauta’s Working with the Ebbs and Flows of Your Resistance.

Up next on Media Wednesdays: Three boards games that make great Christmas gifts. Wednesday, December 4.

Mocha Angels 365. Day 332.

It’s Black Friday in the United States. “Black Friday” refers to retail stores slashing their prices for the start of the holiday shopping season, which ends on Christmas Day. Stores hope they end the season “in the black,” meaning they have made a profit, rather than “in the red” which means they have lost money.

My picture is red on purpose. Too many consumers end their holiday season in debt aka “in the red.” When those credit card bills arrive in January, it stings. Debt is the worst.

Don’t do that anymore. Talk to your family and make new traditions. Do a secret Santa. One gift per person. I’m getting my kids one gift each. However, I know their gifts will mean something to them because I’m listening for what they really want for Christmas.

Let me know how you are handling holiday gifts and spending this year.

Mocha Angels 365. Day 331.

Happy Thanksgiving to my readers in the United States. It’s a day for thankfulness and family. Too often Thanksgiving is about stress, politics, strife, arguments, exhaustion, and now shopping. (Retail stores being open on that day is the worst idea ever! Remember when everything except restaurants and gas stations were closed on Thanksgiving?)

When you feel stressed, breathe.

Inhale peace. Exhale stress.

Inhale love. Exhale worry.

Inhale light. Exhale Trump. (Kidding! That was a joke…well, not really).

Taking small breaks from the noise in your house makes all the difference.

Safe travels. Don’t eat too much. Happy Turkey day, y’all.

“Dolemite is My Name” (2019)

Click to watch a trailer with so much energy it’ll make you want to watch the movie now. (Warning: Cursing in the trailer.)

In 2017, the online magazine Very Smart Brothas listed their Top 10 Blackest Moments of the Year. Their Number 7 was my Number 1. A brother had converted a file cabinet into a barbecue pit. It was far and away by a hundred country miles easily the blackest thing I’d seen in 2017. (Warning: cursing in the video below. It’s hilarious though.)

In 2018, “Black Panther” was the clear blackest winner of the year. I don’t need to explain why. Watch it and understand.

“Dolemite is My Name” is the winner of Number 1 Blackest Thing I’ve Seen in 2019. It’s a Netflix original movie about comedian Rudy Ray Moore aka “Dolemite.” Why is it my Number 1? Because the foundation of Moore’s humor is African-American folklore. Yes, his humor was X-rated. Imagine if Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx had a baby. The dirtiness and cursing was part of Moore’s appeal.

Moore’s comedy was rooted in The Dozens, a game of spoken words between two contestants, common in black communities of the United States, where participants insult each other until one gives up. It is customary for the Dozens to be played in front of an audience of bystanders, who encourage the participants to reply with increasingly egregious insults in order to heighten the tension and, consequently, make the contest more interesting to watch. –per Wikipedia. (Growing up in Detroit, Michigan, we called it “joning.”)

Moore’s Dolemite persona was so dirty, no one would record his comedy albums. He recorded his first three albums in his apartment in front of an invited audience.

No one would promote his comedy albums nor play them on the radio, so he distributed them himself.

Nobody would finance his first movie, “Dolemite,” so he did it himself with $100,000. The movie made $10,000,000 and was one of the top grossing movies of 1975. Moore made seven more movies.

Rudy Ray Moore’s popularity was contained within the black community. With his unique rhythm, rhyme and persona, he is considered the Godfather of Rap. Moore died a multi-millionaire in 2008 at the age of 81.

Enter Eddie Murphy. He always wanted to produce and star in a movie about Moore, which no one wanted to make because they (read: studio executives) had never heard of Moore. Enter Netflix.

Murphy and Netflix are a marriage made in Heaven. This movie is fantastic! Finally! A movie worthy of Eddie Murphy! A brother is on top of his game. Watch the trailer and you’ll see what I’m saying. A larger than life comedian needed to play another larger than life comedian. It’s clear that Murphy was having the time of his life. I hope he gets award nominations for this role.

“Dolemite is My Name” starts in 1970 when Moore was a struggling showman working at a record store and ends at the premiere of his first movie in 1975. To watch the rise and continued rise of Rudy Ray Moore is wonderful. I wrote that its the blackest thing I’ve seen this year. It’s also a uniquely American tale of never giving up on your dreams. Moore had been in the entertainment business since 1955. To see this brother succeed, against all odds, was heartwarming.

And it’s hilarious! This is Eddie Murphy, y’all! The supporting cast are Mike Epps, Titus Burgess, Craig Robinson, Da’vine Joy Rudolph, Keegan-Michael Key, T.I., Wesley Snipes, Snoop Dogg, Chris Rock, and Emmy winner Ron Cephas Jones (This is Us). Ruth E. Carter, legendary costumer designer and Oscar winner for her costumes for “Black Panther,” created the costumes for this movie. Her designs are fantastic and she deserves some nominations too.

Rudy Ray Moore once said: “I wasn’t saying dirty words just to say them… It was a form of art, sketches in which I developed ghetto characters who cursed. I don’t want to be referred to as a dirty old man, rather a ghetto expressionist.” Moore influenced countless rappers and comedians. “Dolemite is My Name” is a worthy homage to Moore and a comeback for Eddie Murphy.

I loved it. 10 out of 10 Mocha Angels.

Up next on Holistic Saturdays: An update to my “no watching TV nor internet surfing while eating.” Saturday, November 30.

Mocha Angels 365. Day 328.

It’s easy to go on the defensive when your partner is coming at you crazy. No adult likes to be accused of anything, because we are all perfect right? (smile)

Diffuse the situation. Keep listening to her if you can without losing your temper. Close your mouth. Once you say something, you can’t un-say it. Walk away. Tell her you’ll be back in an hour or two.

One purpose of relationships is to cultivate a deeper understanding of your partner so you understand where he is coming from… to look deeply to see how that person was made.

The other purpose of relationships is to grow as a person. Because when we look deeply inside ourselves, we find out the conditions that made ourselves. (From Saturdays post on the audiobook Being Love.)

So while you are away, take that time to honestly ask yourself what you have done to contribute to the conflict. Ask yourself if you are caught up in your ego. If you need another perspective, call a friend or relative who will be honest with you. One who has no problem calling you out if you are indeed wrong.

All relationships are not going to work out. If you continue to check your own stuff, and evolve as a person, the quality of your relationships will improve.

Agree? Disagree? Let me know.

Mocha Angels 365. Day 326.

I’ve been listening to an audio book called Being Love- Teachings to Cultivate Awareness and Intimacy by Zen Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hanh. The audio is about an hour and twelve minutes long. Around the fifty-five minute mark, he talks about self-love.

Hanh says ( I’m paraphrasing and cutting it down a bit), “May I learn to look at myself with the eyes of understanding and love. Many people cannot accept themselves. They are at war with themselves. If we look deeply inside ourselves, we find out the conditions that made ourselves. And then we accept ourselves with our suffering and our happiness at the same time.”

He follows with talking about our relationships with other people, not just intimate relationships: “And we know that to love is to accept ourselves as we are…to accept the other person as she is…as he is…and looking deeply to see how that person was made.”

Hanh shows us how to cultivate the four basic qualities of authentic love: Maitri (lovingkindness), Karuna (compassion), Mudita (joy), and Upeksha (freedom). It’s a very grounded approach to love. It teaches how to sincerely listen to others and love them in a way that is freeing for both people. Being Love is a beautiful book. I’ll be listening to it over and over again.

10 out of 10 Mocha Angels.

Click to listen.