This is a follow-up to Mocha Angels Day 23: “I speak from the heart today.” A subscriber said to me, “Speaking from the heart can cause all sorts of problems. The heart is full of emotion both good and bad.” Our conversation led me to clarify the intention behind speaking from the heart.

I learned the technique from a minister. The exact mantra is “Allow me to speak from my heart center.” It’s to be said to yourself, silently or out loud, when you are alone, not in front of other people. You say it when you are alone because this is about shifting your energy. Saying it in front of others invites judgment, and that’s not what you want. If you can’t get away from other people, say it silently. It’s said before a tense conversation (or confrontation) in order to de-escalate the situation.

Be sure to say it before you open your mouth. The intention is to speak with love to the other person. When you do speak, love, compassion, and clarity will flow from your mouth. It’s almost magical. It’s simply a shift in your thinking. You go from “I’m right, you’re wrong” (the ego) to “I want to hear you and understand where you are coming from” (the heart).

The other intention of “Allow me to speak from my heart center” is to heal the relationship. This works for everyone and anyone with whom you want to have a positive relationship.

The challenge is to remind yourself of the mantra when you’re angry or fearful, or worse, consistently an asshole/difficult/brash/rude/selfish/self-centered, etc. I’ve been that person, on all counts. I had to learn, in the hardest of ways, that insisting that I’m right all the time was leading me down the wrong path of self-righteousness aka “why can’t people just act right?” I’m the one who needs to be checking myself. I don’t need for everyone else to behave.

There are times when it’s appropriate to fight and defend yourself, or to get out of a dangerous situation. You don’t put up with anyone’s toxic bullshit or abuse. I think the heart center mantra is a gentler way of moving through life because you are being guided by love.

Hatred never ceases by hatred but by love alone. This is an ancient and eternal law. – The Buddha