Learn to nourish yourself and the other person with joy. Are you able to make the other person smile? Are you able to increase her confidence and enthusiasm? If you are not able to do these small things for her, how can you say you love her? Sometimes a kind word is enough to help someone blossom like a flower.
— How To Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Love is the glue that holds everything together. If there is a problem, bring love into the equation. Ask God to sit in your heart to bring loving kindness to the situation. Do this and allow miracles to occur.
Mantra: I embody love and kindness today.
This is a follow-up to Mocha Angels Day 23: “I speak from the heart today.” A subscriber said to me, “Speaking from the heart can cause all sorts of problems. The heart is full of emotion both good and bad.” Our conversation led me to clarify the intention behind speaking from the heart.
I learned the technique from a minister. The exact mantra is “Allow me to speak from my heart center.” It’s to be said to yourself, silently or out loud, when you are alone, not in front of other people. You say it when you are alone because this is about shifting your energy. Saying it in front of others invites judgment, and that’s not what you want. If you can’t get away from other people, say it silently. It’s said before a tense conversation (or confrontation) in order to de-escalate the situation.
Be sure to say it before you open your mouth. The intention is to speak with love to the other person. When you do speak, love, compassion, and clarity will flow from your mouth. It’s almost magical. It’s simply a shift in your thinking. You go from “I’m right, you’re wrong” (the ego) to “I want to hear you and understand where you are coming from” (the heart).
The other intention of “Allow me to speak from my heart center” is to heal the relationship. This works for everyone and anyone with whom you want to have a positive relationship.
The challenge is to remind yourself of the mantra when you’re angry or fearful, or worse, consistently an asshole/difficult/brash/rude/selfish/self-centered, etc. I’ve been that person, on all counts. I had to learn, in the hardest of ways, that insisting that I’m right all the time was leading me down the wrong path of self-righteousness aka “why can’t people just act right?” I’m the one who needs to be checking myself. I don’t need for everyone else to behave.
There are times when it’s appropriate to fight and defend yourself, or to get out of a dangerous situation. You don’t put up with anyone’s toxic bullshit or abuse. I think the heart center mantra is a gentler way of moving through life because you are being guided by love.
Hatred never ceases by hatred but by love alone. This is an ancient and eternal law. – The Buddha
As long as you are breathing and standing upright, you have the power to create each day however you want. What you do with each 24 hours is up to you.
Most of us have jobs, children, and responsibilities. Inject some fun wherever you can. Make each day special because once the day is over, you don’t get to go back to do it again. Although sometimes we do get a redo! (That’s an inside joke.)
Don’t like what happened yesterday? Do the next day different! Bring what you love to the day. Bring you own unique style, passions, and desires to the day. Don’t wait until your birthday, or a holiday, or an anniversary. Do you!
It’s easy to go on the defensive when your partner is coming at you crazy. No adult likes to be accused of anything, because we are all perfect right? (smile)
Diffuse the situation. Keep listening to her if you can without losing your temper. Close your mouth. Once you say something, you can’t un-say it. Walk away. Tell her you’ll be back in an hour or two.
One purpose of relationships is to cultivate a deeper understanding of your partner so you understand where he is coming from… to look deeply to see how that person was made.
The other purpose of relationships is to grow as a person. Because when we look deeply inside ourselves, we find out the conditions that made ourselves. (From Saturdays post on the audiobook Being Love.)
So while you are away, take that time to honestly ask yourself what you have done to contribute to the conflict. Ask yourself if you are caught up in your ego. If you need another perspective, call a friend or relative who will be honest with you. One who has no problem calling you out if you are indeed wrong.
All relationships are not going to work out. If you continue to check your own stuff, and evolve as a person, the quality of your relationships will improve.
Agree? Disagree? Let me know.
Ms. Mocha Angel 